But I am in the period where after laughing, I cry. After eating too much, I lose appetite for days. After being so sure, I forget. I am in the period when there is no certain things that's happening or going to happen.
I am currently in the period where either I take everything I hear literally or read between their lines. And eventually hurt myself. I am in the period where I can cut everything out of my life and still feel dumb. Or lose someone and bleed.
I hate this feeling and it will never stop until I get to tear more than I am used to do.
Reasons for crying yesterday:
1. I went to school for nothing.
2. A girl appreciated my doodle art for her.
3. A guy told me I was cute.
4. A guy told me he forgot my flashdrive with my favorite series on it.
5. A guy took picture of me.
6. I did not get a kiss.
All nonsense.
Then I stopped crying:
1. The guy who said I was cute gave me an ice cream.
2. The guy who forgot my flashdrive did not really forgot it.
And I laughed. Hard.
1. I teased a guy and called him "Shelly".
Today I was with my girl friends. I was happy. I guess. Then had dinner with a guy I used to like and who used to like me too (I guess). Then went home only to see my bestfriend while I was on the van going home. I tried to call him, he looked at my direction but he probably didn't see me with his poor eyesight. Then I received a message that made me want to go back to Manila. But I didn't.
I was too exhausted to move.
I want to be both alone and not. I want to be with someone who will make me cry but I want to cry alone. I want to cry for real. I want to cry with a reason. And I want to get real with my reasons.
I don't want to cry because of a bag full of contained feelings, again. But that is what will probably happen soon.
vickydizon
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